By Glenn Baja
How I love the peace and quiet, particularly on this warm Florida night.
The egg-shaped moon is nearly full. Probably 3-4 days away. The sky is clear, with only the mightiest stars visible on the moonlit tapestry above.
Sitting in my shorts, the breeze dances across my legs, playing with the hair, wiggling it enough to tingle my skin. My breath is slow. I close my eyes.
The wind is blowing off-shore. I feel it curve over the back of my chair, running up and over my shoulders and past my head. The wind spirits sing and dance like muffled whistles in the valleys of my ears. Tonight they carry a message of peace and patience.
The sea is calm. I hear only the sound of the gentle surf breaking upon the shoreline. I open my eyes. I can see the whites of the breaking waves wash upon the shore. I look to the left, look to the right…I’m the only person on the beach.
Alone. Comfortably alone.
Temperatures are pleasant, yet I wear a long sleeve shirt over my tee-shirt. The perfect combination.
Tonight I’m feeling the familiar pull of transition, that vibrant kindred that lives within me. I’m presently being visited by subtle transition, child of MEGA-TRANSITION, the parent who took over my life a few years ago. The messages are similar.
It’s time to risk again…
I’ve been running Thrive After Fifty for over 8 months. My readership is slow growing. Too slow for my comfort. I struggle finding a way to make this website survive financially. It’s time to risk trying another way.
For me, this website is more than a hobby. It’s a growing passion. A lifestyle. A step into being the person I wish to be.
I struggle integrating the factors important to it’s financial success, not only with the website, but within myself. I know the magic key to succeeding on both levels lies within me. I just haven’t comprehended or discovered yet what needs to “click”, turn-on, or sink-in, in order for it to succeed.
I know it’s there. I just need to be patient with myself.
The Voice Within
Patience is a taskmaster. It takes me to task constantly. Impatience, nemesis and cohort of patience, makes me feel unworthy. To not trust myself. To fear letting my true authentic self come forth.
I ask myself silently:
“Why Glenn? Why are you not “getting” this yet? You ought to be so further ahead than where you are!”
And it’s then, when that all-knowing, great wise voice within says:
“BECAUSE YOU’RE EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE.”
Sometimes I don’t hear that voice. It abandons me in times of stress, times of self-doubt, and the many times I don’t slow-down enough to listen.
“But, but, … but what if I fail? What if I don’t find a way to create value for the readers? What if I can’t write worth a damn? What if I’m the only one who feels like there is so much more life to live? Maybe everyone else is perfectly happy with where they’re at in life? It certainly seems that way!”
To which that great wise voice replies:
“MAYBE. MAYBE YOU’RE RIGHT. MAYBE YOU’RE WRONG. IT’S YOUR DECISION.”
My first impulse is to throw the F- bomb at that voice. But I know better. It’s time to center myself, slow down, and find some clarity.
Once again, it comes down to that “P” word again.
The Big Picture
What feeds me, what continually propels me forward, is the deep-seated knowledge that I will succeed. Perhaps this success will not appear as I envision it now. But I know, with certainty, that it will manifest itself when it’s supposed to. And in just the manner it’s meant to.
My awareness is I need to be open to new suggestions and outlooks. For one, I must stop trying to save the world. I need to concentrate on saving myself first.
I don’t pretend to know how the universe works. In fact, I cannot begin to comprehend what it is that I do not know. Metaphorically, I’ve heard our total understanding of the Universe is comparable to viewing a smart-phone screen, believing this to be the total picture of how things work, when in actuality it’s the size of a 10 x 30 foot wall. But we focus only on what happens in our own little microcosm. We are totally oblivious to all the miraculous workings, connections, relationships, and interactions that occur outside our perceived and known reality.
We don’t know what we don’t know…
I look at other websites, and the apparently successful people that fill the pages with wonderful stories, blog articles, and value-packed information. I cannot help but compare. Sometimes I doubt myself. I don’t believe I “stack-up” to the others who have many success stories, and seem to be living their dreams. Can I do this too?
And that booming voice within bellows out:
”How?”, I ask.
“YOU’LL FIGURE IT OUT”
And I will.
It’s a journey, and I must be lovingly patient with myself.
There is much more going on with this site than meets the observers eyes. There’s an evolving human being that is transitioning, growing, and learning life changing skills and talents daily. He’s one that is in constant change, and is learning to trust in the SOURCE energy that exist in everything. I have faith. Faith that, in time, everything I need to know and do will be revealed, at precisely the perfect time, and lift me to the next level.
Once the internal transition and change occurs, the external will follow.
I don’t believe for a moment that I’m the only one going through deep, personal changes in life. Some may be contemplating big changes. Others may be further along in the process. Some are so scared they hesitate to begin at all.
Wherever you are in your evolution, it’s right where you need to be. I encourage you to read and think about some resolutions I’ve learned along the way. These have helped me keep my life in balance, perspective, and my sanity somewhat intact. I leave you with these 7 resolutions:
- Resolve to regroup. Risk putting more of your authentic-self out into the world. Speak more from the heart. Choose to be more patient with the process, and stop trying to do too many things at the same time.
- Resolve to focus on what comes naturally. Observe what feels right, and flows with your life current. Avoid swimming against the tide.
- Resolve to love yourself. Regardless of what that inner critic has to say. Find comfort in knowing that you’re doing the best you can, even when it seems your not. We all need to take breaks and time-off in order to revitalize ourselves.
- Resolve to continually step forward, taking action on a daily basis. Fill your cup with wonderful loving recipes of confidence, self-worth, and inspiration. Take a risk to better yourself, and understand that if you wish to have change in your life, you must change that which you haven’t.
- Resolve to slow down and find inner peace. Listen to what the wind spirits whisper in your ear. Pay attention to the lessons the sea teaches, and view life’s experiences from a “moons-eye” perspective, understanding there’s greater forces at work in your life. Your Grand Masterpiece has yet to be revealed.
- Resolve to care for yourself. Realize that your mind, body, and spirit operates best on premium fuel, and vow to create habits that nourishes and strengthens it.
- Resolve to be at peace with yourself. Know that all is well, and everything is happening just the way it should.
Changing one’s life is not easy. It is full of challenge, self-doubt, and hard work.You may not be where you wish to be yet. Your growing into it. Lessons in courage, self-worth, and confidence grow within. And, even if you believe you’ve failed, fail forward. Never give up. Continue drinking from the cup of determination and faith.
You will prevail…
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